Desperately late...

...with this week's blogging - sorry, folks! Had another luvverly weekend back in the sticks with C's parents. Went to the theatre all posh and dressed up Saturday night. Wasn't bad at all, some sort of musical done by the local troupe of actors with help from a light sprinkling of pro musical people. You could really tell the difference, though I have to say the regular actors have my respect for taking on an all-singing, all-dancing role whilst accustomed to speaking roles only. What was the piece's name? Well, it was "Triumph der Liebe" in German, which would be "Triumph of Love", a Birkenhead/Stock adaption of a play written by Pierre Carlet de Chamblain de Marivaux. Or 'Pete Mouthful', as he was affectionately known to friends and family...

(image courtesy of Minh's Notes mxn.f2o.org/.../03/16/pierrot_nemo_suit.html)

Anyway, I came across this question this morning while completing my return journey from the bank (where employees were wearing fancy dress costumes while retaining their eternally grim and world-weary demeanour when serving you - oh, the wonders of German carnival). Why is it that people in small cars seem to have the biggest problems positioning them properly, e.g. when attempting to park them in a normal-sized parking bay? This has occurred to me on several occasions. I used to notice it most back in the days when my company vehicle was a white van (or more precisely, an 18 foot Mercedes Sprinter with the raised roofline - yes, I am showing off) which needed accurate navigation to fit into almost any parking slot. For those Americans among you who've never been to Europe; you have no idea. I've been to your country and your parking spaces are HUGE - and I don't just mean parking areas, I mean the individual partitions. By comparison, you could park a European semi truck (without the trailer) on an American slot, whereas something like a Dually would never fit a typical German/English/French parking bay. So, anyway... I was watching this not entirely unattractive lady attempting to reverse her new model Mini Cooper(not the one pictured - that is courtesy of www.carl.wellington.name/interests/mini/) into a parking space that would have fitted something over a foot wider and several foot longer. I would have helped, but she wasn't having any of it, sawing away at the wheel and generally getting herself nowhere except into a huff. (BTW, check here to see how that is done properly) No, I'm not laughing at this lady's plight as an individual, I'm just pondering the fact that the owners of smaller vehicles seem to have a harder time achieving things that other drivers rarely even think about. Another example; I know somebody who considers themselves incapable of parking their own car (note how I'm carefully avoiding gender denotation). Therefore, this person resorts to accosting a stranger every morning - no, I'm not making this up - and has them park their car. The vehicle in question? A compact hatchback - again, for you Americans, this is a category of car almost unbeknown to the Land of the Free. Think "smallest rental car category ever" - something like a Geo Metro.

(image courtesy of www.utexas.edu/learn/graphics/imgtag.html)

So, anyone have any ideas? Is it just because in order to survive everyday traffic in a big car, you have to learn the skills? Or could there be some underlying correlation between size of chosen vehicular mode of transportation and, I don't know, anxiety, claustrophobic tendencies, or issues of similar ilk? Your comments, thoughts and inspiration are welcome as always...

I really don't have...

...time for this right now - I'm supposed to be frantically applying for a grant (and have been doing so all morning), but having just briefly nosed by rickygervais.com compels me to write this brief note of ire. As announced in Episode 12 of the really-rather-fun-but-went-downhill-towards-the-end podcast, Ricky, Steven and Karl are going ahead with a pay-per-listen version of the Ricky Gervais show, to be found here at audible.com. Now, I have no issue with them making money for what they do (as an artist, far be that from me). What irks me is that, like other money-grabbing comedians before them, they're now misusing what is supposed to be a free-for-all, true spirit of the internet vehicle, i.e. podcasts. That, to me, is simply missing the point. I doubt the original podcast would have registered even a flicker on the blogosphere radar if it hadn't been for free. And also, sorry folks, but you're not really THAT funny. If Karl is really real, and if he does need a job, then for goodness sake send him out to get one. That in itself is absolutely no excuse for diluting greatness. If you're sick of doing stuff for free (again, something I can relate to), then just pack it in and go back to what you were doing before that, thereby retaining the iconic status of the original 12 'casts. To me, the message now is one of pure, commercialist sell-out and greed. And yes, as I hope has become clear, I am truly pissed off by that. So there!

I don't want...

... to write today. I'm feeling horrible - caught myself some kind of Delhi Belly yesterday and it was so bad I'm tempted to write all the gory details. Let's just go with "I threw up" for now. As of today, I've managed to drink about a gallon of herb tea which hasn't come back. However, the lunch I had seems to be resting uneasily, which is a horrid feeling. Okay, that's enough yuckiness. Sorry. Oh, did I ever mention that Tony Pierce is a contributor to thoughtmechanics.com?

Hmm...

... this is a neat one; American troops operating in Iraq are now being taught folk gestures and body language of the people they're working with, i.e. the Iraqi population. As a trainer for intercultural communications, this finds my approval, of course. Few people outside the little "ICC scene" might be aware of how important something as small as a thumbs-up or the rubbing of thumb and index/middle finger can be. Or rather, how diverse the meanings of such small things can be. You may have heard stories of US President Clinton allegedly embarrassing himself royally when he gave a crowd of Massai warriors a double thumbs-up. (Here's an alternative version suggesting Greece as the offended nation). Whether or not these stories hold true as incidents, there's definitely loads of differences in the way we use gestures. Now, if I could find some other way of getting breaks in my text besides jamming jpegs in between the lines, I'd put up a little gestures quiz for your amusement. Anybody wanna drop me a hint? The old html "span" thing doesn't seem to work - or rather, it works for my drafts and the preview option, but the blog itself won't do it. Okay, so here's the deal; if anyone can tell me an effective way of getting line breaks visible on the blog, I'll share some of my accumulated catalogue of folk gestures with you. In fact, what we'll do is, we'll have a competition; I will give away a grand prize(tba) to whoever gets the most meanings of folk gestures right. All contingent, of course, on SOMEBODY showing or telling me 'ow to get stupid line breaks. Arrgghh!

Just stumbled across this video clip of Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and the incongruous Karl Pilkington. Now, I believe most of us downloading the podcast will have wondered at some point whether Karl is, in fact, a real person, or simply an actor with a cleverly written script. Based on the strength of the video material shown here, I have to say the balance of my judgement has taken something of a tilt towards believing that Karl is, unfortunately, very real. In fact, from the footage, Karl would appear to be (and I hope I may be forgiven for speaking so harshly of someone I've never met) every bit as dull and ignorant as Ricky and Karl make him appear in the podcasts. Which leaves me feeling decidedly uncomfortable about the whole matter. For some reason, I feel that a podcast making fun of someone apparently incapable of even understanding what is happening to him just isn't right. I don't subscribe to cruelty to animals for fun in Spanish arenas any more than I would watch dwarf throwing on TV or otherwise. Could subscribing to a podcast (the world's most popular podcast, let's not forget) end up being a question of ethics? Mebbe I've just been conned successfully into believing what Mr Gervais wants me to, but what if not? Dude - are you really real?

Country roads...

...took me home yesterday for a couple of appointments, all of which turned out really rather well. First up was a visit with my, dunno, church superintendent or whatever you call the head pastor of a group of churches. Top bloke anyway - I'd asked for a 30 minute slot 'cos I know how busy he is and all I really needed from him was fairly trivial formal stuff. We ended up chatting for over 2 hours which he just blocked off for me as if it were nothing. Incwedible! People can be so nice sometimes... Anyway, I came away with his blessing and a bunch of books for me to read. Yeeha! The next bit was even nicer, though - I had lunch with my Dad at a quiet little restaurant. We were almost the only people there and got to talk a lot; meaningful stuff, too, not just banter. My Dad and I have come a long way, I guess, and it really showed yesterday. I had no hard feelings, we weren't awkward, and I think both of us were able to show the other how much we love him, which is more than could be said for the last twenty-odd years of our life before that. Yes, more than one tear was brushed manfully from sight - it was heartwarmingly, life-affirmingly good. Sorry if all this kitsch is making you sick - I'm just doing what the whole blogsphere is on about all the time and being honest. So, from there I took a series of increasingly smaller and more winding roads across country to see this guy whose big event we'll be playing at in June. Cool - the place is an old chateau situated in the middle of a golf course out in the sticks. Secluded, but neat. How on earth 500 people are supposed to find it is beyond me, but apparently that's how many show up every year. Sorry' bout the goofy grin, BTW...

Somebody gonna get-a hurt...

... real bad! Yes, I've been watching Russell Peters just like everybody else. Why? Cuz he's hilarious, ear-bleedingly foul language aside. For those who don't know, here's a link to his most renowned (and most quoted) skit, involving the famous line about getting hurt. Which also tells you exactly what it is I'm wasting so much of my time on these days - d'oh! Otherwise, weather's rotten outside, which isn't nice. On a different note, there's a few decisions I need to make today. One concerns a request made by a friend of C's who works for her. Its her birthday party on Saturday. We're invited and she apparently dropped a casual question about whether I would bring my keys and play a little at the party. Which puts me in a bit of a dilemma; yes, I have played at people's parties before, and I've also done so for free occasionally. However, these were typically either fellow musicians like Ralf or Jochen, people I love and who would do (or have done) the same thing for me. Or, its been friends whom I was happy to do a favour 'cos I knew it would be appreciated, people I go back some time with, that kind of thing. It's not about needing to get paid (I'm not Ray Charles), it's just about respect for what I do. Few things make me feel more humiliated than playing a couple of hours for a party of people, then just packing up quietly and moseying off like it wasn't a big thing, or like it was something I just did to please myself. I don't. I wouldn't. We've have a ton of great parties here at our house with people who appreciate jamming, making music together or kicking back and listening for a bit. I have two great bands and a worship team where I get all the musical highs I could ever ask for. That's where I get my kicks, or "where my heart is", to put it in Christianese. Ach, I don't know...

Feelings are a strange...

...kettle of fish sometimes. I'm sitting just a couple of yards across the room from C, who's busily typing away at her preparations for tomorrow's teaching exam (Number Two out of a gruelling series of four). I've been in this self-same room with her almost the entire day, chatting back and forth occasionally, helping her out a bit, getting stuff done. And yet, here I am, doing one of the things I enjoy most at the mo' (picking my nose while eating a mars bar - no, blogging, of course!) and suddenly I feel a real pang of missing her. Like, all I need to do is just get up, reach over and touch her. And still, here's this wave of sudden loneliness sweeping over me. Call it children's instinct, soppy foolishness, neurosis, or whatever - I'm off to get a hug, pronto...

(This, obviously, is another Nashville souvenir - no, not the girl, the pic)

Spent the whole day sitting...

...at the computer or running mini-errands around the house. Weekend was REAL good - had a fair bit of fun and a great Sunday at church. Itz weird how people will just love you for no apparent reason - at least, its weird to me. I mean, yeah, brothers and sisters and all that, and its what you're supposed to do as a Christian - love others, etc. The funny thing is, when that love is real and genuine and it touches you, it still makes me blush and stutter. Kind of. Anyway... Something I wanted to share with y'allsoutthere was PANDORA.com, which has become a permanent fixture when I'm surfing the net here. The original tip-off came, as always, from the one and only a.ndy, who somehow just knows about these things when they matter. And this does matter: pandora is essentially the kind of radio station I never knew existed this side of my dreams. You tell them/it/the bunch of music nurds hunched over the screen/the waiting rows of servile computer bankage/whoever it is a couple of bands or song titles you like, then they turn that into a "radio station", trying to find more music that will suit your taste. When a new song comes up, you can rate it, which influences the next suggestions. Essentially, you go through a fine-tuning, customisation progress, the results of which I have to say I'm well chuffed with. Apparently, you can e-mail your stations to people and all that - thassall a bit much for this Luddite as of now. However, and this is probably the main reason I'm pimping them so hard, I got an e-mail from them the other day giving me some advice on how to use the service. The funny thing is, the e-mail was signed by Tim Westergren, the man behind the whole idea, not one of his minions. That struck me as unusual, and since I do really dig what they're doing, I went and answered the e-mail just right there (there wasn't the usual "this is a computer-generated, worthless piece of PR drivel, so don't even bother to react at all" blurb at the bottom, either). And then, and then - Tim wrote me back! I was stunned - what a top bloke. I mean, where do you ever actually get that - the dude in command isn't to haughty-taughty to reply to a thankyou mail by one of us! I am now officially in love (in a veryhairy-chested, male, football-and-beer-loving "I love V8 engines" sort of way) with the service and would highly recommend you go check it out. It might just be the future, as long as they can manage to keep it free of charge somehow. Good on you, lads!

Friday frippery

Hello world, how are you? Time for Friday's creative output - or maybe just another blog entry. Let's see; spent half the day negotiating a gig for Hannah, Billy and myself. Should be major-ish, about 500 people there, pay sounds okay. Agonized for a while over some of the minor details, then rang Billy and got his opinion. Dude, there ain't nothing like the wisdom that comes with age and experience! It was sooo good talking to him and hearing his side - he's just like, "keep it simple, don't fuss with people and things, go with what you know". Sounds basic, but isn't sometimes. So, no huge PA stacks, twelve-piece band bells-and whistles - we'll just swing it as a trio. Sorted! And with that, I'll have to skedaddle - got friends coming round for dinner. Tortillaaaaz! Thanks, Bri and MK, for an excellent addition to our cuisine.

Movie reviews aren't...

...necessarily my cup of tea. C and I typically don't make it to a cinema more than once a year (yes, really), so I'm nobody's expert on the topic. However, I have checked the odd movie website before (Hitchhiker's Guide, Ray, etc.) and I tend to be quite interested in what's new. Just came across advertising for "Elementarteilchen", a new German movie. So, I thought I'd surf to the website and mosey around. Yikes! Talk about doing dirt cheap. There. Is. Nothing. On. The. Site. Just a really dull animation and utter nothingness to do, look at, click on, or whatever. No bios, no storyline, not even a stupid flash game or win-a-t-shirt contest. The single thing you can actually DO there is watch the trailer. So I'm like great, let's watch the trailer. Click on it, extra window pops up, asks you what size trailer you wanna see. Unthinkingly, I go for "medium", which usually suits my DSL connection best. And then - you get a player with a screen about the size of a postage stamp! Couldn't believe it - just how cash-starved (or insanely mean and penny-pinching) must the German movie industry be! The mind boggles...

Doggie woggie

Well, ain't that sweet? I'm not that big a CuteOverload fan in general, but I do like this! Rock 'n' roll, doggo!

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways

Just a brief little post before I head out; been thinking recently (for no apparent reason) about what it is exactly that I love so much about my wife. And juno what I found out? One of the things I adore most about C is the tip of her nose. No, I can't explain it (wonder what my shrink would say about that one), but I am in fact magically attracted. I love it! Of course, I love all of her, and not just her body, either. So there. Have a nice one, folks

Mohammed caricatures

Hello everybody, How'r y'alls? Itz another Friday and I've just had a brief visit from a good friend (who happens to be my insurance broker). What's been on my mind mostly, though, is this case of a Danish newspaper having printed caricatures of the prophet Mohammed. Now, I have no desire whatsoever to get involved in the politics and feelings aroused by the whole matter. What surprises me is how none of the news websites I check regularly seem to want to show pictures of the drawings in question. Wow! You lot must be really scared. Normally, the mass media will unflinchingly show footage of ANYTHING, no matter how gory, senseless, ugly, brutal, disfiguring or otherwise inappropriate. However, come a case where one of their own was fired for his apparent lack of taste, and hey presto - no pictures, sirree, no, not here, not with us, sir, we, err, had nothing to do with it, err, why don't you go look somewhere else, sir? We're all just peaceful-minded individuals with a lot of respect for others' privacy and beliefs, sir. Bollocks! Please forgive my strong language, but this is hilarious - I can't believe major newspapers and their online editing staff don't have the nerve to show even one small jay-peg of the offending item. Not even with a two-pager legal disclaimer before it, nuh-uh. Nada. Zip. Wasn't me. So, in the name of investigative blogatism, I obviously HAD to trawl the murky depths of the net and, ta-daa!! Here's one of the offending pictures - shown, I would stress, not because of any desire to ridicule other religions, but simply because, according to the press, we all have a right to information, do we not? I dare say I obviously lack the religious background to find any meaning in this particular pic. There were others, such as the famed "bomb turban" pic, but hey, here's where I finally managed to locate this and other of the images in question, so if you're curious, go look for yourselves...

Rockfish, rockfish...

...rockfish! Pimp, pimp, big-up, big-up!

Just rewatched the original animated movie twice at www.blur.com/html_quicktime/rockfish_480.html. This thing rocks! Big time...

Slow down, you move too...

...; er, fugheddaboutit! No more fasting puns for now. Brilliant, freezing cold day out - wanted to go to Uni, but left the house too late (was updating security on both computers at the same time, which slowed me down no end) and decided halfway that, rather than embarrass myself by walking in late a second time, I'd get off t' tram and take some pics instead. I'm actually very tempted to try and write in a wee Scottish accent today, seeing as I've been listening to amplifico's brilliant podcast. How I love a sweet Fyffe drawl! Must be the Wallace blood in me - or maybe just the wally in me, come to think of it. blur + a.ndy + Hannah

Life in the fast lane

On my first day of fasting right here (Wednesdays work well for me). Bit odd, but I've gotten past brekkie and lunch so far and am feeling okay. Feeling a bit woozy, but not as bad as the bloke in the picture, I guess. C came home earlier all upset because there's a kid in one of her classes who gets beaten up badly at home. Apparently, the school only just found out about it and will be involving the "Jugendamt" ASAP. Crazy stuff - the kid wouldn't do his homework, he'd be told to come in for extra hours at school as punishment, but wouldn't show up for them. In our system, that kind of misbehaviour could get you into seeerious trouble. Turns out there was a reason for him not showing; his stepmother would time him when he was supposed to go in for those extra lessons, then beat him if he didn't get back quickly enough. How cruel and heartless can you get? Makes ME believe in "homo homini lupus est" alright - screw humanism, it's a load of nonsense from where I'm sitting. I mean seriously, how could ANYONE believe in the good in mankind against such evidence? Makes me sick to even think about it...

When in Rome

Picking up on something I tripped over earlier this week in the news; Rita Verdonk, the Dutch Minister of Immigration and Intergration, has been thinking out loud about making Dutch the mandatory spoken language in public places in her country. When I heard about it first, I thought it might be a hoax - somebody got out the gate a little early for April Fool's. Quick research, however, would appear to confirm that she's serious indeed. Now, I realise that there's the background of the Rotterdam Code, which, in itself, sounds like a very commendable effort - the cumulation of a lot of popular discussion, with the intent of making the city of Rotterdam more "leefbar". What I don't like at all is a) ANYONE trying to dictate to others what language they should speak - that sounds so narrow-minded and xenophobic I don't even want to imagine the kind of people who would come up with the idea and b), the fact that this rule is intended to force-boost integration of foreigners into the country. I'm all for mandatory language classes when someone wishes to immigrate into another country - go for it, it'll make everyone's life, particularly the immigrants', so much easier. However, I don't believe being forced to speak whatever language in public by law will make people from a foreign culture integrate more easily into what is to them an alien environment. An example: most Chinese, Japanese and Indian students who come to England/the US to study or make a living speak English fluently. Does that make them want to integrate into Brit or American society? Does the society in question make any additional effort to integrate the aliens because they speak their mother tongue? From my experience, neither of both is the case. I don't believe a forced language monopoly will decrease culture shock; nor will it stop foreigners from retreating into the relative safety of their own ethnic communities. Finally, racism and xenophobia are not cured by making everyone speak the same language. It may help to some minor degree, but language is only one of the factors that trigger fear when confronted with members of a different ethnic group than one's own. To completely avoid racial paranoia, we'd all have to look, smell, think, act and feel the same. Now, doesn't THAT sound like a horrible version of reality to you? It sure does to me!