Rosch Haschanna y'all

So, it's been an actual year since my last post. To use the words of Comedy Dave from t' Chris Moyles Show, "the last 365 days have indeed been a year to me". Well, well. It has been quite something, this last one, though that still doesn't explain how I managed to completely fail to write all this time. Especially since several people came up to me 2008 telling me how they checked up on my scribbles every now and then. Oh well - maybe some of you will find these words sometime in 2009 and be pleased. Who knows? 'Appy Noo Year tooya, BTW, in case we haven't spoken personally. Straight in with the biggest single piece of news from last year, then. The photo above shows what pretty much all of 2008 was about for C and me - the birth of our first daughter, M. Scheduled for autumn, she decided she couldn't wait that long(mirroring our feelings to some extent, though being grown-ups, C and I have, of course long mastered the whole delayed satisfaction thing. Yeah, right.) and "popped out", as it were, in July. She was tiny, but God gave her strength to come through those initial dark days. Now, she's a bouncing, happy baby who seems to enjoy life as much as her parents do. Her arrival has meant many, many changes to pretty much every aspect of our lives and future plans, some expected, others less so. On the plus side, we now have a very swish estate (station wagon) to ferry us around and we are currently in mid-move to our first house. (The latter entailing, by means of warning, an expected month of offline-ness, so please don't be offended should you e-mail me/us in February and not hear back) Oh, and we've grown a lot closer to our families in many ways (a huge plus). Not as great were things like the setback to my already tight university study schedule. I'm now well behind my original plans to the extent that I'm currently teetering on the edge of maybe giving up and finding some other way of getting to wherever it is my life may be headed. But hey, I've never been one for straight paths and obvious, set career plans, as many of you will know. Oh, here's a promise: should I end up quitting my studies, I will definitely, definitely blog about it. So there. Had a couple of minutes with my little daughter earlier this afternoon (I'm s'posed to be cramming for a test right now, so am spending the day lashed to my desk in case I try running. Not like that would ever happen...) in between C's various trips. She's doing all the planning and preparation for the move, which makes sense given my need to be studying hard, but makes me dead jealous nonetheless. I absolutely detest not being able to chip in, especially when there's a big project that involves DIY, physical exertion, etc. *sigh* So anyway, M was on my lap, wide-eyed, taking everything in, making the occasional noise or smiling at me while I sang for her( Something I do unthinkingly whenever she's near. Always have, in fact, even before she was born. It's been one of the few things I COULD do for her during those tough early times, and it is the joy of my life to see how much she reacts to my voice now.). And, once again, I was struck by how extraordinary it is to have her, and how little I comprehend the fact that she's my daughter, here for life. I mean, people (typically those who don't have children yet) seem to take for granted that where there are married couples, there will automatically be children, provided it's what those couples want. These children, it seems, will simply pop out 9 months after the prospective Mum and Dad decide the time is right. They will be healthy at birth and grow up, by default, to be healthy, happy kids. Now, I'm not criticising anyone here - until a while ago, my own assumptions would have been very much the same and I would have freely shared my beliefs with anyone listening. What I have learnt, though, over the last two years, has led me to think the complete opposite. Now, I all but hold my breath anytime someone without children mentions the topic, as I see so many potential pitfalls, so much potential for worry, grief and disappointment. Yes, C's and my experience has been an extreme one (and one that's not necessarily easy to share or for others to understand), but nevertheless my world-view has changed dramatically and for a long time to come. My eyes have been opened - it feels as if I'm surrounded by people who have been unable to have children, who have suffered miscarriages or who have been faced with inexpressible burdens that accompany childbirth under any but the most normal conditions. I would sincerely like to apologise to anyone who's feelings I may have hurt over the years with snide comments dismissing the issue's seriousness. I hope I have learned my lesson. Attempt at earnesty over, the other side of this whole "shock and awe" thing is that I still can't seem to fathom on a personal level how this amazing, beautiful, living being that recognises my face, my voice and the touch of my hands could be my daughter. I mean, my very own daughter, mine, "flesh of my flesh", all that. She does look like me, that's undeniable (though, fortunately, neither beard nor pouch nor receding hairline are in evidence so far). And of course I have no doubt whatsoever over who her parents are. Still, you(I) find yourself looking down into a pair of eyes that are neither your own nor those of your wife and you(I) catch yourself just marvelling at the fact that she's there. Not to mention the fact that she loves and trusts us, and prefers our company over that of all others. And that she clearly knows we are "where she belongs". 6 months in, it's still so much of a miracle to me, and I doubt that will ever change, even after years of getting used to each other. (Maybe I should save a copy of these lines to my hard drive and re-read them once M hits puberty. Ha.) So, anway, I wanted to share all of this with you. At the moment, I'm not expecting the new year to be an easy one and am not feeling all-too buoyant in general. However, I do know that, whatever 2009 transpires to be, I'm now a Dad and proud as can be of my little baby. So, with that in mind, thank you as always for your thoughts and prayers and please don't hesitate to be in touch, okay? Our new lair is a bungalow-shaped affair, BTW, with a huge patio outside just waiting for warm summer evenings, barbeques and outdoors musickery. So swing by anytime and we'll catch up. Cheerio!