Summer - break! Err, sorry, got it wrong again

Weak attempts at humour aside, hello again and welcome. Yes, the holidays have arrived, finally. And no, that doesn't mean I don't have a ton of things I really ought to be doing at the minute. What it does mean is that, for right now, I simply can't be bothered to work on any of my projects and shall instead enjoy taking the leisure of a little internet hobnob with you. I hope you've all been keeping well and I've tried to keep up with most people's blogs as best I could. For the non-bloggers among my huge and varied audience (cue dry laughter), I trust you're also well and breathing. Don't forget - heal the world, make it a better place. For you and for me, for the entire human race. Or something... (gotten into Chris Moyles' podcasts quite a bit recently. I guess it's showing)

(this image courtesy of www.search.com)

Seamlessly breaking one of Wendz' Ten Blogging Commandments (for reasons beyond my weak little brain, Blogger never, ever believes my html so I can't, for the life of me, get proper paragraphs. Hence the piccie instead), I'd like to move on and talk about something that's been close to my heart for a while now. No, not my chest hair (that's close, though, too) - the question of why love can be such a complicated and, at times, grievous affair. Maybe you don't know what I mean and think I'm talking rubbish. After all, love is supposed to be easy, to come naturally, to be all fluffy pink clouds (or "fruffy ping crowds", as a dearly beloved friend from Hongkong might put it) and sunshine. You fall in love, your hearts meet and intertwine, you ride off into the sunset and enter that place known to hopeless romantics as "happy ever after". Only that, in my experience (and, I think, in the experience of most long-term lovers and countless parents of children all over the world), it doesn't work quite like that. For reasons that, quite often, even the persons involved can't explain themselves, lovers and people in close-knit relationships tend to hurt each other, to wind each other up and irritate one another on all kinds of levels. Huge blows may be dealt, such as infidelity or breaches of trust, but most often it seems to be smaller things, minor incidents, small niggles, subtleties, that cause aggravation in the long run. Often, there is insecurity involved - affection is not shown adequately because of lacking self-esteem, urges and desires in a relationship are suppressed because the partner feeling the urge is embarrassed of themselves, etc. Whatever the cause, all long-term interpersonal love relationships (gosh, I sound like a shrink. Okay, so I'm an ex-shrink) seem to go through phases where the supposed heaven of partnership/matrimony/family turns out to be more of the opposite, and where "other options" such as leaving, withdrawal or taking a hiatus may hold great appeal, if only momentarily.

(this image courtesy of www.lasplash.com)

Now, I'm a Christian and as such, I believe that God and I have a personal relationship that is, in some ways, comparable to our human relationships. Maybe I should add that C and I are currently on our summer break (me from uni, C from teaching) and "coming down" from the exertions of working life. This inevitably tends to exacerbate the amount of tension and friction we encounter together. I caught myself fuming over some small disagreement/misunderstanding the other day and thinking "Why, oh why can't you just trust me for once? I've never disappointed you on this one..." And suddenly I was struck by the astounding similarity between what I experience in my relationship with C and the kind of frustration God must feel in His relationship with me sometimes. Quick disclaimer: I am in NO way comparing myself to God here. That's not at all what I mean. What I'm talking about is that almost everyone in a love relationship inevitably hits a point of frustration, of wanting, if only for a second, to throw in the towel and despair of the whole affair. And, looking at my own walk with God, I can see loads and loads of big and little things where I'm pretty darn sure God must be tearing his hair out in frustration at my behaviour. Like when I know something I want to do is wrong and will take me away from God's presence (that's my definition of sin, BTW - something that separates me from God's love), and I go and do it anyway because I want to. Then, after I've screwed up, I'll come complaining and moaning to God at how unhappy I am and how I want for Him to make everything okay again. Only that I've not done my part in sorting things out and instead, want Him to perform some sort of miracle to right my wrongs with no involvement on my side. If there's one thing I believe very firmly, then it is that faith in God does not take away responsibility for my actions. So, I know that the onus for making up is on me, but instead of acting, I'll continue my litany of moans and whimpers and hope that if I keep my eyes closed for long enough, the problem will somehow go away. Can you see where I'm heading? I picture God in reaction to my calls for help, caught between wanting to help me because He loves me very much and wanting to give me a right good kick in the backside for being so benightedly stupid at the same time. Anyway, what I ended up thinking (and this is what I've been trying to get to for the last 2 million or so words) is that maybe one of the reasons our relationships can be so complicated is because they are, to some extent, mirror images of how God feels towards us. On one hand, He desperately wants to be close to us (that's what we were created for according to the Bible - to be relationship partners with God), yet on the other hand, because He loves us so much, He's given us freedom of choice to do whatever we want with our lives. Yes, He does get frustrated, but unlike us He never, never gives up. And while that's one of the things that separates me from God, I also find inspiration to hang in there and exercise patience, maybe even real grace in my personal, human relationships because I know that there's someone who won't ever give up on me no matter how often or how badly I screw up. So, there!

10 Things I Like Meme

G'day y'all! See, like I said, the semester break is helping with the blogfreude (a Freudian term totally unrelated to Schadenfreude) - here I am with a meme gifted to me by the wonderful Wendz, whose blog is a staple of my reading diet. I'm to tell you about 10 things I like beginning with the letter "D". Well, hopefully that should be easy, so here goes: in no particular order whatsoever, I like:

• "D" for Drums and everything percussion-related: Playing drums was and is my first musical love. For as long as I can remember, I've always wanted to play drums. I used to arrange a motley collection of pots, cans, plastic canisters, etc. in my Dad's workshop in the cellar and hammer away at them for hours when I was about seven or eight. I spent countless hours practicing cross-hand playing to the music from my little portable tape player (my parents felt that Cliff Richard, the Beatles and selected other rock'n roll was "safe" for me to listen to. I can still sing most of Little Richard's repertoire by heart until today, instrumental solos included). Having gone through years of piano, recorder and violin lessons, I will never forget the heart-pounding exhilaration of sitting behind a proper drumkit for the first time. Learning to make the music in my head become a reality audible to the rest of the world has been my continued and ongoing passion ever since.

• "D" for Diplomacy and tact: One thing I really enjoy, a challenge I savour whenever the opportunity arises, is to try and encourage people with different backgrounds/opinions/mindsets to work together successfully and for their common good. I equally enjoy trying to help people prepare for the challenges that may arise from working in, say, an intercultural setting, preparing and coaching them as they go through various phases of developping rapport with, for example, two teams from different cultures that they have to coordinate. I love the thrill of understanding other people's mindsets, their ways of thinking, etc. and trying to create successful compromise or cooperation between parties from different sides based on my understanding. I guess it comes from having lived in a sort of interim between the English and German culture ever since I can remember. Anyway, it's fun! To me.

• "D" for Driving: I may have this in common with many guys, but somewhere within me is a wannabe long-distance truck driver, blasting his airhorns as my eighteen-wheeler rolls into the sunset, cruising by day and night across endless expanses of landscape on my mission to deliver freight from one end of the world to another. There's few everyday things I like as much as getting behind the wheel for a cruise, be it going from A to B, running errands, driving long distances (my fave) or just driving for the heck of it. Yes, I read car magazines (infrequently) and long for a powerful, rear-drive car with great handling. Yes, I go "phwoar" whenever I see a Ferrari or other exotica. Yes, I know nerdy details about (European) cars like model range, engine capacity, horsepower rating and 0-60 times. Plus, I pride myself on being a good driver. So, yeah, driving rocks!

• "D" for daftness (hope that counts): Humour, humour and more humour is one of my key drugs that keep me ticking and tocking as I trundle along life's highways and byways. Anything from good old Fawlty Towers to Little Britain, Douglas Adams to Lynne Truss, Craig Ferguson to Tim Minchin has me grinning, chortling or falling about the room. I've no idea how I'd survive without my laughs and strive hard to share them with the world around me. Most of the time people say they don't mind, so I trust at least some of my jokes must be grin-worthy.

• "D" for dancing: I will my shake my booty with reckless abandon at the drop of a hat. Cheesy dance moves - I'll show you a few if you don't have any... I know this isn't very manly - men typically avoid dancefloors, except if they're hoping to find a partner. However, I've always enjoyed moving and shaking and have learnt to overcome most of my inhibition in doing so. Bring on the music, I say!

• "D" for, err, drinking fine Scottish whiskey. I love a good dram of single malt in the evening. Not every evening and not necessarily at a party. But for a nice quiet evening with friends, some jazz music to nod my head to and relaxed conversation, I couldn't think of a better drink. Neat or on ice? I'll take either, thanks.

• "D" for discipline and dedication. One quality I really admire in others and strive for myself is discipline. The fact that I'm striving for it should tell you that I may not yet be very good at it. But I'm getting there, and that's got to be a good thing.

• "D" for the Divine: I'm a Christian, and the single most important thing in my life, the reason I get up every morning and don't despair, is my growing faith in a loving God who wants me to live. I probably don't fit some people's definition of a Christian - as stated above, I drink alcohol, I swear sometimes, and I'm far from being perfect in many other ways. But the God I find in the Bible (and the one I meet every day in my prayers, in nature's beauty and in the interaction with my fellow human beings) is one who makes it very clear to me that His grace and forgiveness come first and before all other things. Yes, I am trying to be a better, more Christ-like person, but that's because I've found I love God so much that I actually want to change my ways, not because I have to. So, my faith is a source of joy and not of stress and hassle to me. Therefore, yay for the Divine!

• "D" for De Ocean (yes, I know - horribly lame, but I couldn't think of anything closer to home). I am a sea person. If there's one environment I dream about pretty much every night, it has to be the sea. My dream home would be somewhere on the coast of, say, Southern France (preferrably between Collioure and Argeles). Or then again, maybe a house on the cliffs down in Cornwall? A pretty colonial style mansion by the Baltic? One of those preposterous right-on-the-very-beach bungalows over in California? A windswept artist's den with huge windows overlooking the rough waters off the Hebrides? Tell you what - I'll have 'em all, please. Oh, and a boat would be nice, while you're at it...

• "D" for dreaming - be it day or night, I've always had a knack at imagining or envisioning the unreal. Possibly the by-product of a somewhat solitary childhood, I can spend quite unseemly amounts of time in the inner world of my imagination. Obviously, this has upsides and drawbacks; being able to relax easily by taking off on flights of fancy or writing songs without ever going near an actual instrument is great. Catching myself (or being caught) talking to myself in all sorts of situations definitely goes on the "con", and of course my biggest challenge in life is learning to make those dreams that really matter to me become reality. Gosh, that sounds cheesy, but it really is something I'm working on - getting from "I wish" to "I will", if you know what I mean...

Anyway, thanks very much for reading this meme. It's been fun writing it and I hope it may tell you a little more than you already knew about me. As memes go, I guess I'm supposed to tag others now that I'm done. Basically, I think I shall go with Wendz's orginal idea, which is that I'll be happy to tag you if you leave a comment asking me to. Other than that, I'm hereby tagging kneecaps with the letter "F". And beckstar, you're tagged with an "M" (or choose another if you can't think of 10 items). You can either do the meme in a separate post or in a comment on this post. Rightyho, that's all fer now, possums - let's see if Blogger agrees with my formatting...

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